Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize