he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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