Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
