just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize