we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize