we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
