you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
