at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
