Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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