i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
