he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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