so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
