She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
