we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
