Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
