If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
