i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
