capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
