Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
