I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
