So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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