Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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