Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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