Your dad touched me again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
