his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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