thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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