I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
a search helicopter?!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
