I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is Oprah even human
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
