are you still at the devil's house?
Umm I'm too high to move.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
