Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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