i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
