A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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