Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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