is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
