yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
