More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
