so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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