I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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