Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
MIDGETS
????
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
