Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
