my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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