I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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