I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
