I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
