Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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