My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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