This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They have beer where we have blood.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
