Someone shit on the floor
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
