I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
