Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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