after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
