I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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