My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
