I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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