AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
