That's when you crack a 10am beer
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
