Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize