We're facebook friends in real life
I've blown a few things in my day
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
