i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
