Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my liver is dry heaving
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize