You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
