just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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