I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
