Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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