can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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