I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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