i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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