You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
