Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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