what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
