I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize