We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
