I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
