Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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