Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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