Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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