She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
