I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
