I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
