if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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