you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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