I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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