Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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