the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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