words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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