Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All I want is dick and wine.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
