the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
another moral hangover. fuck.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
