We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
