Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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