I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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