We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
