the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
