i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
