So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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