there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
