You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
