dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
