Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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