his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
