My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
