Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
