I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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