Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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