You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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