I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
